Friday, September 22, 2006


(Yawn). Another day, another entry. It's autumn already you little ass punks. Yea, I'm getting old (I'm 99 turning 100 soon!), so don't forget to mark your calendars. This Thanksgiving, gamers will have lots to be thankful for. They have Wii and PS3 to hold them off til Xmas and then they can all just play some nice seXBox - oops, I mean't XBox 360 games that are starting like Gears of Wars. Maybe even squeeze in a game of LocoRoco on the PSP and probably hit some of the "touching" games on the DS. Yea, it's a great holiday season to be a gamer. That is until, you all find out that Nintendo packaged in real wees into their consoles instead of the Wii and you all realize that your PS3s smell awfully gross and have this filthy white secretion on them.

Just leaked yesterday, were images of Sony PS3 manufacturing employees sexually abusing everyone's PS3s. What you think is NEW inside your PS3 box, might not be so NEW afterall. Check these out. Know what they're doing? I've dubbed these sinful people, PS3turbators. Yep. The images show all the proof one could ever need on why their PS3s aren't so shiny, and are more "sticky".

Never missing the opportunity to embarrass Sony and their lagging handheld console. Here's the original prototype PSP sony released at e3 2004. Fishies on da screen. Where did da fishies go Sony? What did you do to the poor fishies? I want to know where they went! Anyways, all I want to say to Sony is IN YOUR UGLY FACE. Why? Everyone laughed at the Nintendo DS when it's prototype was shown and Sony seems to have forgotten their original proto was fugly too. Meanwhile, the NDS was redesigned and then redesigned again. And now look who's sexier. Eat it your sexiness Sony. EAT IT!

Sony's decided to stop intentionally putting Disc Read Errors and other bugs into their PS3s because they secretly have had their workers do the nasty for fifteen minutes with each and every 500,000 consoles they've made and plan to launch with. Get them while the fishies are still fresh. Now that I think about it, that's where the PSP fishies went. They went out of the PS3turbators onto future PS3 owners. Euro chaps, take note of this, you might be glad your PS3 launch is delayed now hmmm?

Nintendo DS, a wonderful system it is. Just needs to stop giving us shit we don't want. In a way, it's trying to be everything the PSP is and it's sucking huge elephant ass by doing so.

Europe is set to get an MP3 player feature that plugs into the DS's GBA cart. Well, here's what I think I'll do, and what many other people will say:

Sure seems like Euro get's all the crap no one wants. Like Talkman for the PSP. Man, was that stupid.

Then we have Tingle, who if anyone has played Zelda, knows is a walking, talking fruitcake. EGM rated him in the latest issue as the gayest videogame character ever. And I think that's fair game, but when I saw the picture of King of Cosmos from Katamari Damacy (note: I've never played this game, because it looks so stupid) I couldn't help but think he was gayer than tingle. But Tingle's goal of being a fairy is damned queer and the fact that he's 34 doesn't add to his cause.

Now, there may be those of you who think I'm so sort of homophobe, but I'm not. In fact I happen to have a gay friend, but he's more "Will Truman-gay" (Will and Grace) than say "Jack McFarlane-gay" (Will and Grace). And I have no problem, as long as gay guys don't act like girls. That bit annoys me. Why not get a sex change and be a girl then?

I got off topic a bit, so let's get back on track. Thanks to everyone who loves my blog. To all my Pojo board fans and followers, thanks mucho. I only wish you'd all get accounts and comment me or something. Give me ideas etc.

As for why I chose Jessica Simpson's annoying song for the video (which you can now see below, it's also on, it's because I hate her so much and I want it to annoy the living breathing hell out of you all while watching it. Really. To annoy you all with a ditzy whore who enjoys having her father produce music videos for her that involve her wearing a thin bikini slathering soap all over a car. Thanks Papa Simpson, we enjoyed your daughter just as much as you do. You little sick freak. Any girl would agree they wouldn't want their father seeing them like that. Even a ho-bag like Britney Spears would agree.

I know you all may not like what I say, and may think I'm just a little too hard on the celebs and Sony and everything basically, but I tell it like it is. Nothing special to it, but the brutal honest truth.

Enjoy your weekend breath of Autumn, and I'll cya next week to bring you another episode of Sling Blades Pile of Crap. Thanks everybody, and good night!


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7:58 AM  

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