Wednesday, September 13, 2006

An Apple a Day Will Rob Your Money Away!

An apple a day will rob your money away as the saying goes. Yes it appears the slogan's been updated. I'm going to hold off on bashing the pink PSP for just sec. I know I should rename the blog to "" right? The topic at hand today is iPod. Some may have noticed I dropped quite a few F bombs in the last post. I think it was completely necessary. After having said that, let's drop some more F bombs if necessary today shall we?

Before anyone goes to cry and say I'm a satanist and that I hate everything, I refer you to what the ESRB has rated this site and it's content (look above at rating). Okay, first order of business.

Apple I'm sure most of you all know dropped major iPod bombs on Tuesday and I was going to put this post up on Wednesday, but I decided to hold off til Friday, because I know most of the readers who come here are just lazy ass bastards (except those I know) who just want me to whip up a recap video of all the funny photoshopped pictures. And this is what I have to say to that: I'm working on it. I swear I am. It'll come when it's good and ready. I just need to accumulate enough crap to compile first. I know you hate reading, and "moving pictures" is the future, but just be patient. Open a bag of Lays and munch for a bit, if you're done doing that, pop a can of Pringles, order some Pizza Hut, Dominoes, or whatever you prefer, maybe some Chinese or make a sub sandwich.

Right, back to the iPod news. Right. So the iPod Shuffle has gotten an upgrade and now it's half the size and 10000x easier for someone to steal off you if it's clipped onto your shirt or pants or wherever and it's 100000000000x more easier to lose when that headphone jack is yanked out. Oh Yea! Joy! I always did think the shuffle was iPods most retarded mp3 player anyway. Now I'm reconfirmed it. It is indeed retarded.

iPod Nano gets a makeover and turns back into the ugly fucktard it was originated from: the iPod Mini. Gosh I hate the new look. Theres no appeal and "cool" factor other than the fact of "colors" in which only the most bitchiest and ditziest of girls would buy the pink nano. Ex) Paris Hilton, Hillary Duff, Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Lindsey Loham, all of whom I wish would do us all a favor and stop singing forever and maybe go hide in the same cave as Osama so we'd only have to hear about them 1x a year in grainy videos leaked out to news stations.

iPod video or just the "iPod" gets a brighter backscreen light - 60% brighter! Apple was holding out on us all along, really how much brighter can it get before you go blind staring at it? And longer battery! Whoop-dee doo. By the time the iPod battery dies, everyone will have gotten the next iPod. It plays movies that can be bought from the little fruity itunes movie store. Exciting right? disney movies! yay!! Now I can watch Cinderella on the go!! Sweetness! And finally they play shitty games now! Now, I'm not saying Tetris, Pac-man and Bejeweled are crappy, because Tetris owns every videogame ever (not the DS one, classic). But games like Zuma and Texas Hold'em suck dick and should be loaded into a truck and dumped into a desert like thse E.T carts for the atari 2600. All games are optimzied and designed for the iPod click wheel. Apple, have you looked at how many buttons are on the iPod lately? Not too many, dumbass.

Apple changed the design for the iPod headphones and man they look fuglier than the original. The new nanos should be called mini. Apple if they were smart could have had the iPod, shuffle, nano AND mini to offer consumers. The new nanos are $50 cheaper than the old nanos. The old was $149 for 1gb and $199 for 2gb. The new ones look like a hobo crapped them out and they cost less? $149 for 2gb. Way to screw over people who just bought a nano on MONDAY or even TUESDAY MORNING.

***WARNING*** I don't own an iPod or will ever own one. But if Apple would like to possibly "change" my mind by sending me a complimentary iPod then I would be tempted to possibly change my view and join the legion of the iPod cult. *nudge nudge* Apple send an iPod this way *nudge *nudge*

Or if anyone would like to send me one, I would be happy to try it out and perhaps change my mind.

Now, that all my "ihateapple" stuff is done, back to the PSP. Gosh I hate this fucker. Sony officially announced a $249.99 entertainment pack for the PSP on Wednesday. The pack includes a Lords of Dogtown UMD movie (never watched it, but title seems stupid), ATV Off Road Quad Fury game ($20 value) and a 1GB Memory stick (shit, 1 gb? fuck you Sony for only giving us a shitty 32mb one with the original value pack). All that for $250. Sony, you really fucked all the "core" owners. I hate you for doing this to me and making me feel ripped off and also for never offering the WHITE psp in America. America sucks when it comes to getting limited edition sony crap. See Europe? Sony fucked us over too, so shut your yap about the PS3 delay because you know it's gonna be garbage too.

I'm exhausted from typing this. Wait I haven't even gotten to the PINK PSP yet. I think I'll just leave a picture to express what I know you all are thinking already:

Oh and this is stupid, Sony and Puma teamed up to sell this piece of trash:

And finally, because it's so frickin cool. LEGO BATMAN!

Filler CRAP!


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